BAM! 

(see below)

Hail to the Douche, She's the Douche and She Needs Hailing

(click to embiggen)

Yesterday, The Drudge Report came out with an article saying that the Clinton campaign had released a photo of Barack Obama wearing traditional Kenyan garb, which includes a turban, while visiting the leadership of that country. Here's the photo:

Now, the lay person already believes the last lie spread by the Clinton campaign that Obama was a Muslim. When dealing with the future of a country that has for the last 7 years been at war with areas that harbor extremist Muslims, it's not exactly what the public wants to hear about the next possible president. CNN denounced this rumor when they sent a correspondent to Obama's childhood school, found out that it was not a Muslim private school, but rather, it was a public school in a country that was predominantly Muslim. The reporter found Buddhists, Christians, and other religions being represented at the school in the children. It's the equal of saying that a child is Christian just because they go to school in the US. It's not conclusive in any way. And with this being the only evidence to back up this claim up, it was quickly dismissed.

However, several Americans still believe that Obama is a Muslim. I have family members that believe this. The Clinton campaign used the age old court trick of presenting inadmissible evidence or testimony, which would be quickly dismissed, but is still stuck in the minds of the jury members that are arbitrarily told to forget what just happened. Legally, they cannot base their judgment on said evidence/testimony, but it definitely influences them. And here, she's trying to do it again. But this time they did it smarter, and more conniving. Thus, she's our Douche of the Day.

See, the Clinton campaign has attempted at pulling off the perfect crime amongst the lay people on both sides. They simply put out the photo of Obama in a turban, and wait for the backlash. When Obama's people see this, they know to react by saying this is a smear campaign, but now the conservative lay people, who already think he's a Muslim, have one more vein of truth for their belief. Now, to counteract, the Clinton campaign comes back by saying, "Hey, Hilary always dresses in the traditional garb of every foreign country she visits. Is Obama ashamed?" Now, she has snared the liberal lay person who will think that Obama cannot handle foreign affairs. What a bitch.

have douche will travel

Anytime I travel I am reminded that there are a lot of freaks out there. What else is there a lot of...  Douche bags. I'm standing in the circle waiting for the luggage snake to spring to life when who butts in front of me but a 5 foot 6 inch old spice wearin' douche. I have had lot's of people do this, old ladies, dudes even fatter than me, the occasional hootie, but the man musk mixed the smell of with what I'm sure was L.A Looks hair gel set my douche senses tingling. What I saw next was pure water vinegar poetry. [from top to bottom] overly gelled spiked hair, earrings-both sides, dark blue button up shirt with the top 3 maybe 4 buttons exposing what must have been a waxed chest-minus the soul patch just where the gold cross necklace entangled it, dark blue pants faded in all the right places, and running shoes. As he grabbed his oversized bag and rolled it over my toes to leave, i saw the sign that said the flight he just got off of was from Minneapolis...

A Heavy Metal Douche

We're not gonna make anymore excuses for not writing. We simply don't care. Except for our creed. We care about that. Onto the show.

Candlemass has apparently been rocking the douche for nearly 24 years now. Boasting over 19 members, past and present, these douchetards have clearly never seen the light of day past the time of Iron Maiden. The sad thing is that they still think that this is what people are looking for. Here's an example from last year:

I love the titles in this video as well. The idea was clearly to have terrible headlines that drape the band, such as "Doom." But my favorite titles are "Hockey Player Gang Bang," "Gay Vicar," and the all-time horror "Lose 20 lbs in 1 Week!!!" Scared the shit outta me. And since the band has/had 19 members, I think that about covers us for the time we missed. I'll let the video say the rest. Stay clean down south!

Rock of Douchedom

We here at DotD take the weekend off, just like the rest of you that don't read this blog. Shit, I could probably say anything I wanted to, because, frankly, we have no readership. Hot-dogs are made up of people. Yep, recycled people. And fat people should be treated as second class citizens. Along with the old.

Now, I don't necessarily believe all these things, but maybe I do. You'll never know. But on to the Douche of the Day.

When one flips the channel in today's post-apocalyptic writer-less world, there's a chance that you may happen upon a gem called, "Rock of Love." This is a reality show (ginormous douche) that stars Bret Michaels of Poison, who is our douche of the day.
Bret had one hit a long time ago, and it was his ballad, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn," which was written by a bologna sandwich. Unfortunately for everyone in the world, this is the second season, where Bret has decided he has had enough with women that look like women, and has picked "females" that look more like he did when he wore make-up with Poison. The drag-queens of Bret Michaels world, rejoice! He has chosen you.

But on a more serious note, what the shit was he thinking? I mean, we're as accepting of personality as any other group of people who diminish someone everyday to a personal cleansing product, but they don't even have that. I mean, damn. This guy has a serious mammary fetish, which, for most of these (labeled-as) women, are fake. Big boobs and big lips, big lips and big boobs . . . where have we seen this before? Oh yeah!
Apparently, Bret just wants to find a "chick" that looks exactly like himself. . . with a little bit more cleavage.

Keep it clean "readers!"

An Oily Douche

Yesterday, we sadly forgot to post a Douche of the Day. But hopefully, the double douchiness of the previous post created enough cleansing power that you could skip, if for 24 hours (though we don't recommend it; douching daily keeps the gyno at bay).

But today, we shall explore another type of douche: the oily kind. I walked into the neighborhood Autozone and asked if I could borrow their OBD II scanner. For those of you who don't know, when your car's engine light comes on, the OBD II scanner usually can tell you the problem.

Let us take time now to say that we here at DotD never recommend douching while driving, unless absolutely necessary.

Anyway, so I asked to borrow it, which I've done several times in the past, so long as I left my driver's license. But, apparently Autozone has changed its policy, now not allowing a layperson (as they called me) to touch the scanner. Apparently too many people had dropped them. So, I asked them to come outside and erase the engine light problems, which I had previously fixed. And here comes the douche-baggery: an Autozone employee cannot erase the codes by law, because he has not fixed the car. But, I can't use the scanner, because too many have been dropped. So, I now have two options, either I buy the $40-$400 scanner, or I have to go to the dealership. But, I work on my own car so I don't have to go to the dealership and pay their exorbitant prices.

Thus, Autozone is our douche of the day. Autozone, please clean out your va-jay-jay and then we might be able to do business again.

The Double Douche!

Today is a special day at DotD. Not only is it our second day, but we also have two douches of the day! Not too hard today (never douche hard), but the glory goes to John Edwards and Rudy Giuliani, for both quitting the presidential race today.

John Edwards has been a douche for a long time. He was a douche four years ago when he ran for the democrats, became a bigger douche (industrial sized) when he ran with Kerry as democratic vice-presidential nominee in 2004. And now, once again, John Edwards proves to the world that he is a big douche. Leaving the race, not backing another nominee, and being a pretty boy makes John Edwards a co-nominee for douche of the day.

And now for the bigger douche, Rudy Giuliani. Having a platform of "I was there" in reference to 9/11 is not good. Constantly using that in every speech is a horrible plan. But, like so many douches, Rudy did some cleaning in the darkest of places, New York City. He did clean it pretty well. How does this make him a bigger douche than Edwards? Because, according to the BBC, Giuliani made the statement going into the Florida primary, "We will win this primary! Of course, if we don't, we'll have to evaluate things." Confidence is not this man's game, and in the game of douching, you need all the confidence you can get. Plus, "evaluate things" does not necessarily mean you stop. But, being the douche he is, Giuliani left. He couldn't clean down south this time, and so he goes north.