The Double Douche!

Today is a special day at DotD. Not only is it our second day, but we also have two douches of the day! Not too hard today (never douche hard), but the glory goes to John Edwards and Rudy Giuliani, for both quitting the presidential race today.

John Edwards has been a douche for a long time. He was a douche four years ago when he ran for the democrats, became a bigger douche (industrial sized) when he ran with Kerry as democratic vice-presidential nominee in 2004. And now, once again, John Edwards proves to the world that he is a big douche. Leaving the race, not backing another nominee, and being a pretty boy makes John Edwards a co-nominee for douche of the day.

And now for the bigger douche, Rudy Giuliani. Having a platform of "I was there" in reference to 9/11 is not good. Constantly using that in every speech is a horrible plan. But, like so many douches, Rudy did some cleaning in the darkest of places, New York City. He did clean it pretty well. How does this make him a bigger douche than Edwards? Because, according to the BBC, Giuliani made the statement going into the Florida primary, "We will win this primary! Of course, if we don't, we'll have to evaluate things." Confidence is not this man's game, and in the game of douching, you need all the confidence you can get. Plus, "evaluate things" does not necessarily mean you stop. But, being the douche he is, Giuliani left. He couldn't clean down south this time, and so he goes north.

The First Douche

Dear Corey Worthington,
In our many travels, we have encountered several douches. Black, white, male, female and other. But you sir (?), you take the douche-cake (which is kind of like a bunt cake, but cleaner). With your painters hat, stolen from the set of "Back to the Future 2," your open-chested fur coat, and your nipple ring are all fantastic examples of the species douche Sapiens, but you, you went above and beyond the call of the wild douche-mallard. How, you ask? There are three ways.

The first, well, that has to go to your well-chiseled, finely shorn chest. Only a true douche would try and revert back into prepubescence. The second belongs to your bleached-out hair. Shampooing wasn't enough to get your hair clean. You had to use hard chemicals to get those crabs out. And finally, let us not forget the obvious: the sunglasses. Your refusal to take them off took you into Douche Nirvana. A douche has to protect his eyes, keeping them free from dust and naval lint. True, you did try and hide behind the guise of fame, but we know the true reason. Keeping those pupils venerealy clean is the only way to douchedom.

So, we congratulate you, Corey Worthington, as our first Douche of the Day. To our public, keep washing and stay clean south of the border.

Before we go, DotD presents, "Famous Words in Douche History."

"Douches are a lot like enemas. Both are used for cleaning naturally dirty places. Both are only available at seedy places like pharmacies and L.A. But the main difference between a douche and an enema, is that douches come in a four-pack."
-William Henry Harrison, 9th President of the United States of America

Our Creed

We here at Douche of the Day have been milling around, searching for that special someone. That person, that one man or woman that exemplifies the term, douche. This has to be someone of innate doucheness, not learned, but born with that awesome douchedom attitude. The pure douchery only found in the flowers of Doucheland, crumbled in the great douche-mortar-pestle, liquefied and fed via douche-bottles to that amazing person . . . Douchebag McGee. There's one born everyday, and we here at DotD intend to find them, and post them here, for you, our clean down-below audience.