The First Douche

Dear Corey Worthington,
In our many travels, we have encountered several douches. Black, white, male, female and other. But you sir (?), you take the douche-cake (which is kind of like a bunt cake, but cleaner). With your painters hat, stolen from the set of "Back to the Future 2," your open-chested fur coat, and your nipple ring are all fantastic examples of the species douche Sapiens, but you, you went above and beyond the call of the wild douche-mallard. How, you ask? There are three ways.

The first, well, that has to go to your well-chiseled, finely shorn chest. Only a true douche would try and revert back into prepubescence. The second belongs to your bleached-out hair. Shampooing wasn't enough to get your hair clean. You had to use hard chemicals to get those crabs out. And finally, let us not forget the obvious: the sunglasses. Your refusal to take them off took you into Douche Nirvana. A douche has to protect his eyes, keeping them free from dust and naval lint. True, you did try and hide behind the guise of fame, but we know the true reason. Keeping those pupils venerealy clean is the only way to douchedom.

So, we congratulate you, Corey Worthington, as our first Douche of the Day. To our public, keep washing and stay clean south of the border.

Before we go, DotD presents, "Famous Words in Douche History."

"Douches are a lot like enemas. Both are used for cleaning naturally dirty places. Both are only available at seedy places like pharmacies and L.A. But the main difference between a douche and an enema, is that douches come in a four-pack."
-William Henry Harrison, 9th President of the United States of America